Love Beyond Borders

In Qatar lives 45-year-old Sudanese former world champion, Muay Thai fighter and coach, Faisal Zakaria Diamond Flyer, and his wife, 44-year-old Caitalin Abubaker-May, a qualified personal trainer and Muay Thai coach from New Zealand. The couple first met in New Zealand in December 2004 when Faisal arrived to the country for a Muay Thai fight. 

'At the time I had a business called The IMAGE Girl and was working as a professional fight photographer in New Zealand. Faisal came to New Zealand from Thailand where he had lived for the past six years to fight one of our Kiwi fighters. I was shooting ringside the night they fought. It was an incredible fight. A short time after, he turned up at the gym where I was training for kickboxing. I thought he was beautiful and quite spectacular, and gave him my business card to contact me to get the photos. He did. I then asked him out on a date. We went out on the Wednesday night and that was that,' said Caitalin. 'When I went to New Zealand, I prayed to Allah to help me find a strong beautiful wife. It only took Him three days of me being in New Zealand until I met her,' said Faisal.

Meeting the family was as easy and smooth as one can imagine. 'We are a fairly liberal and culturally aware family especially mum who when Faisal came over to meet them at their home, it was shortly before 5 pm and at 5 pm she asked him if he needed to pray and brought out dates and a few snacks. The dinner was entirely halal and all was well with the world. They adore him and he calls them mum and dad himself (his have passed many years ago) and they treat him like their own,' the added.

Being away from Sudan, Faisal had to call his family in Sudan to tell them about marrying Caitalin. 'I had been outside Sudan since I was a teenager. I was always independent and making my own life choices so they were not at all surprised that I was marrying a Western woman at all. They were extremely happy and excited for me. My friends in Sudan from my early teens were really happy as well – a number of them hoping that through my wife, we could find them strong, beautiful Western women like my wife. But looking at the broader circle in Sudan, there would have been some people with reservations about marrying a Westerner who was not Muslim. But now, everyone in my family from Sudan who meets Caitalin, adores her very much!' said Faisal.

After dating for six months then engaged for another six, the couple married in Auckland in the summer of 2006. 'We definitely made sure both our religions and cultures were entwined and brought together throughout the wedding and marriage process,' said Caitalin. 'We had both Sudanese/Muslim ceremonies as well as a traditional Catholic wedding,' added Faisal. Faisal being Muslim and Caitalin, a Christian, their wedding brought together a priest and Imam. 'The reception was entirely halal food and we ensured lovely non-alcoholic drinks were available. It was fun with a traditional first dance, cake and things as well as the Sudanese cultural sounds and dances were wonderful,' said Caitalin.

'There were actual rehearsals for the ceremony which was so strange for me and it was like rehearsing for a movie or something where we were the lead roles and everyone were actors,' said Faisal. 'In Sudanese culture, it’s normal and accepted to invite absolutely anybody and everybody to the wedding. It’s an open house really. The more to celebrate, the better. So it was very new to me actually having to choose people and properly invite them and things. It took some restraint,' he added. A few days before the wedding, some Sudanese women organised a henna night for Caitalin. 'I remember being so scared and nervous not knowing what to expect. It was so lovely. My parents and Faisal actually came as well and it was really special. I was dressed in traditional manner getting our henna for the wedding done,' she explained.

Faisal and Caitalin are yet to have children. 'We wanted to adopt internationally in New Zealand and fought for years in order to be allowed to do so. When the 'powers' found out that we wanted to bring up the child as a Muslim, we were informed that was absolutely impossible and so point-blank refused and declined any application to adopt internationally. There was literally nothing we nor our lawyers could do but grieve for something that never was,' said Faisal, still with hope to have children one day.

Besides being stared at by people on the streets for being a black and white couple, the marriage comes with its challenges as well. 'Our approaches to things are different on many levels and that’s a direct result of our vastly different upbringing and lives and therefore our world views...We still argue about my wearing suitably modest attire. I used to drink before we married and that was a no-can-do for Faisal so I got used to it. I might have bubbles at Christmas and that’s it. I love our halal lifestyle and wouldn’t have it any other way now,' Caitalin explained. 'There's a myriad of minor challenges we face when living a life entwined in each others cultures. When I first met Faisal, although he speaks Arabic, Thai and some Turkish, his English was extremely limited and broken so having the time and patience with this was an issue but I never saw it as being a problem, perhaps frustrating at times. We both have faced these differences in our cultures, picked and chose what aspects of each we want to retain and live by and which we choose to discard – and that’s a privilege to be able to do that,' she added. 'Sometimes I don’t like her clothes but in general I am very lucky my wife’s understand of my culture is strong and deep and she does a lot of things daily that bring our cultures together and are an example of her understanding my culture,' said Faisal.