26 June 2017

MADE IN SUDAN: Fasting in Sudan in 7 easy steps

Ramadan rituals in Sudan (Source: www.egyptindependent.com)

Ramadan rituals in Sudan (Source: www.egyptindependent.com)

Many Sudanese commentators on Facebook have deemed Ramadan to be the longest, hottest month of the year. In an effort to advise people on how to survive fasting in Sudan, the following guide has been compiled so read it carefully and take note.

1- Avoid eye contact

Avoid the wrath of an extremely thirsty population by avoiding eye contact at all times. And no matter what you do, don’t be a hero and go around distributing smiles. It never ends well, and you will only be labeled a creepy stalker.

2- Refrain from accidental sips

As tempting as it may sound, you must always refrain from swallowing water during the Wudou (cleansing before prayer) process . These accidental sips may have been okay when you were 10, but now you must follow one basic rule: everything that goes in must come out. Especially when you’ve now chosen to do Wudou five times for each prayer, with your newly found passion for thoroughness.

3- Don’t abuse the phrase

The phrase “Allahuma inni sayem/sayma” (“By Allah, I’m fasting”, used to dispel unlawful deeds while fasting) should only be used when the situation is fitting. For example, when a tyrant slaps you across the face. Other situations don’t qualify; such as after you backbite about your neighbour for three straight hours. Another phrase you must not use under any circumstance is “Ramadan khasha al adom” (Ramadan is getting to me). Spare the world this phrase, in the spirit of Ramadan.

4- Be generous

Ramadan is a month of giving, so don’t be stingy and donate a little. And when that beggar throws the 50 cents back in your face and yells that it won’t even buy him a grain of rice, be understanding because you know that times are hard. Only throw it back at him if he hasn’t spat in your shoes yet. He really needs it but is too proud.

5- Mosques are for prayer

A mosque is a place of worship; and while it may be the only place with running electricity and air conditioning in your neighbourhood, you mustn’t camp there. Rest in the comfort of your own bed in your power-free home, surrounded by your own sweat. You get more points for that in Ramadan.

6- Stop whining

Stop acting like you’re the only person in the universe who is fasting. You’d be surprised to know that millions of other people are also fasting at the same time that you are. So you don’t really have a license to whine and complain and express how thirsty, hungry or tired you are. Particularly since you sleep for 18 hours, eat for 3 hours and fast for 3 hours.

7- Know when to stop

A common trap many people fall into is that, at the sound of Azaan al Maghreb (Maghreb call for prayer), something is triggered and they are led to believe that it is the last day on the planet and that they’re on a mission to wipe out all the juice and food in existence. Your cue to stop would be the expansion of your stomach, immobility and inability to breathe. Believe that there is always the promise of gallons of GongolezA’aradaib, Helu Mur juice and tons of A’aseeda, Mula7 and Foul the following day.

 After Ramadan ends and Eid commences, go back to your normal routine and repeat the exact same steps listed above, but in reverse.

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